Sweat the Small Stuff. You'll Be Glad You Did.

Let's talk for a minute about small gestures with big impact and owning your mistakes. Because those two ideas were the bright spots in a week filled with too little sleep and not enough laughter. Did I mention that I'm in the midst of a 19 day stretch of work without time off? Yeah, so there's that.

One of my new goals is to be myself without apology or fear. I'm new to this concept, being someone who is a pleaser and a perfectionist who cares way too much about what everyone thinks. I once read a quote that said "What everyone else thinks of you is none of your business." It's hard to remember that sometimes! You know when you are trying something new and you aren't that great at it and you do it totally wrong? Well I am trying to make myself and my opinions heard more often at our division meetings. This week, I spoke up about what I thought about a certain idea the group was running with (in disagreement) and must have sounded uncharacteristically harsh because the room went uncomfortably silent. And my cheeks burned. After the meeting, the person who came up with the idea cornered me and tried to explain why they wanted to do things this way. I countered with why I disagreed but did make it a point to say that I would try it and see how it went. I left that meeting not feeling proud for speaking out but rather like I let my personal negativity and frustration and stress and fatigue speak out for me. I carried that around with me all night. In the past, I would've swept things under the rug and maybe been extra nice the next time around. But I felt that in order to grow and really feel true to myself I needed to own my mistake, and that meant going into her office first thing the next morning and apologizing for the way I came across. I didn't change my opinion, but I made sure she knew that I respected her and the group's opinions too and that I recognized that the way I went about speaking up for myself was not necessarily ideal. I am a work in progress and I owned up to it. In the end, I felt so much better and gained a new understanding of how to work within a group of strong-willed women.

Yesterday, as I'm frantically working on a project submission due on Monday, a physician I rarely see but always say hi to in the hall came into my office holding a pink box. He said "Do you want a cupcake?" and of course you know what I said. And he proceeds to pull out a red velvet cupcake and puts it on my desk. When I asked what it was for he simply said that he and his wife had lunch together and decided to buy some cupcakes for a few of us. I checked his back for wings as he walked out (there were none that I could see) and sat marveling at the way the universe speaks to you if you just listen. A red velvet cupcake? For no reason? Are you kidding me??!

I say you should sweat the small stuff, because in the end, that's the stuff that holds you up when you feel like you're going to fall.

I Almost Called This Post "Friends In Low Places"

Let's talk about our guilty pleasures. Need a definition? A guilty pleasure is defined as "something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. The "guilt" involved is sometimes simply fear of others discovering one's lowbrow or otherwise embarrassing tastes." That's straight from wikipedia. And yes I will try to use the term "lowbrow" more often, thank you wikipedia. Need some help getting started? Ok, here are some of mine.

1. Red velvet anything. The other day I made red velvet cupcakes from a box mix and didn't even bother to frost them. Or share.

2. Barry Manilow. I've seen him in concert at least twice, maybe three times. I know all the classics by heart and used to make myself hoarse in the car singing "Weekend in New England".

3. I put on my pajamas when I get home from work. I didn't realize that was weird until my sister made fun of me.

4. The movie Coyote Ugly. So bad it's good.

5. Bethenny Frankel. You may know her from "Real Housewives of New York City" seasons 1-3, or from her shows "Bethenny Getting Married" and "Bethenny Ever After". Or you may not know her at all if your tastes tend more towards highbrow than low. This is a serious guilty pleasure. I DVR every episode of her shows and watch them multiple times. I recently read her book "A Place of Yes".

Now does it count as a guilty pleasure if it changes your life? I mean really changes your outlook which in turn changes your attitude at work, in love and in the way you fit into the world? Because this book and her ideas and advice have truly made a difference to me. A "place of yes" is an attitude that allows you to open yourself up to the world and to what your life is meant to be. It encourages you to live with acceptance, of yourself and others, and not to let fear make your decisions. It gives you permission to be yourself, make mistakes, embrace challenge and aim high. It reminds you that a life lived in truth is a life well lived.

I'm currently trying to put together a research project looking at a curricular intervention I'm developing. I've never done anything like this before and I feel completely overwhelmed. Daily, I struggle with the voice that tells me "This is way too much to take on. You'll never be ready to do this by July. The residents won't participate. You will fail and look like an idiot." I'm afraid that I can't do and be everything I want to and my knee jerk response is to give up, put on my pajamas and eat cupcakes. But, I've learned from a reality TV star that if I come from "a place of yes", I will always be better than good enough. And that's good enough for me.