When You Play This Record Backwards, It Says "Get Over It"

Have you ever held your tongue when you really wanted to speak up but didn't think it was your place? I know everyone has. Being a quiet person by nature, this happened to me often growing up. I would stew and vent and replay all the things I should have said but the same thing would inevitably happen to me in another situation. My mom used to tell me "Angela, when you get older and more confident you won't care so much what people think and you won't be so afraid to speak up for yourself." Weeeeelllll, I'm definitely older, and maybe a tad more confident, but I'm still not speaking up. When is that magical age when I won't defer to someone older and more experienced to make a decision that I should feel confident making?

I was in a situation (again!) last week where I didn't listen to my gut. I allowed the opinion of another physician to comfort me and didn't think independently enough to make my own decision. Everything ultimately turned out fine, but in a much more circuitous and unattractive way than I would have liked. I have been beating myself up about this for 6 days now...I've replayed all the things I should have said and done numerous times and you know what? It feels different. I can't explain why but for some reason I feel like a switch has been flipped and this won't happen to me again. At least not like this. I am done with this feeling of insecurity about my lack of experience. I may not know all the answers but I know that I can trust my gut to lead me to someone who can. I think if I say this mantra to myself enough times, I just might believe it by the time I'm another year older.