Something Smells Like Band-aids

Sometimes life slips you a little good when all you've been concentrating on is the bad. I like those times.

I felt like a proud parent this morning when one of the residents presented his first journal club as part of the Evidence Based Medicine curriculum that I'm now responsible for running. He did beautifully. In fact, it went off exactly how I envisioned it in my head. And I actually think he (and the audience) learned something. Bonus! My husband teases me and calls me the "Queen of all things Journal Club". I won't lie. I love journal articles and the conversation they ignite and the delicious calculations we can perform with the data. Crazy-town.

I'm about to sit on a panel for 4th year medical students to talk about one of my other favorite topics of all time. Why I chose Pediatrics! There's nothing that can ignite my passion for my career choice quite like explaining the why and wherefores to a bunch of blessedly altruistic medical students. Did I mention there's pizza?

On Thursday, I'm leaving for Kansas City to attend the Pediatric Hospital Medicine conference. I'm looking forward to lots of lectures, debates and nerdy networking. My husband is coming with me and we've decided to drive. We're still recovering from our most recent airline experience involving a "paperwork issue" that led to an hour delay and missed connection, a night spent in a hotel 30 miles from the airport with nothing but the clothes we were wearing and a free toothbrush, a $60 cab ride to said hotel, a broken toilet and general magnificent levels of incompetence. Oh, and it was my birthday. Needless to say, we're looking forward to a romantic road trip.

So, thanks life. Thanks for the reminder.

Welcome to My Thursday Night

Here's what I'm up to tonight:

Real Housewives of New York City

A Skinnygirl margarita

Pedicure

Cake batter ice cream with crushed Oreos and peanut butter

Yes, this is my antidote to a rough week. Oh, and I'm taking a personal day tomorrow. I won't go into the gory details but suffice to say I wrote a few of my trademark "fussy emails". My good friend in residency coined the term and used it to describe indignant emails we would write when it seemed like the last resort and our frustration had reached a critical mass. Sometimes we sent them, sometimes we didn't. This week, I hit the send button after every email I wrote. Email can be dangerous. It allows you to say (write) whatever you feel at the time without having to see anyone's facial expression or having to look them in the eye. It is so easy to hit the send button. I don't regret any of the emails I sent this week. I always try to edit myself and send only what I would be comfortable saying. And I always double check that I haven't accidentally hit "reply all".

A few things happened this week that ended up being the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back and I was fed up. I channeled my emotions into emails and sent them to people I thought could help me fix the situation. Was there some fallout? Well, yes, I did have more than one person come into my office to "chat" but I do believe that good things will come to those who....fuss. I've talked before about being authentic and owning up to who you are. That's what I did this week.

In residency, an attending told me that I had an overdeveloped sense of justice. At the time I thought it must be something that I should correct or hide. As I get older, I've accepted that I have a passion for fixing things that I perceive as wrong, less than ideal, or yes, unjust. I will accept this, own it, and channel it to improve my situation and help others who may not have the confidence to speak up for themselves. If things don't go well, I can always fall back on cake batter ice cream and margaritas. Nothing wrong with that.

World, Meet Lucy

Have I introduced you to my dog Lucy? She's a 12 year old fawn pug and she's my first baby. Her bug eyes are always leaking brown goo and small pieces of her crusty black nose fall off when we least expect it. Usually in front of company. She hates anyone touching her mouth and her feet so consequently, her breath stinks and she has really long toenails. I feel like Lucy and I have grown up together. We've been through a lot: breakups, moves, freezing winters, adding a hyperactive mutt and her owner to our household. There was a time right after I moved to Chicago and knew no one that I felt Lucy was the only soul in that city who would've cared if I died. Morbid, but true.

One thing about Lucy is that she is stubborn and hates change. How do I know this you ask? Believe me, it's obvious. She gets this miserable look on her face and her curly tail hangs at half mast when she is unhappy. The straighter it gets, the worse she feels. Once when she was a puppy I was walking her on the sidewalk around my apartment complex. We accidentally walked over a hot metal grate in the summer and it burned her little feet. For an entire year after that, she would not walk in that direction down that sidewalk. Nope, we could only go so far and then we had to turn back the way we came instead of completing a loop. Whenever I'd move the garbage can around the apartment while cleaning she'd bark at me until I put it back where it was supposed to be. She has gotten used to going to bed at a certain time so she will wait by the stairs and glare at me until I come upstairs and get ready for bed. When I've had guests over, she makes it clear that it's time for them to leave by sitting at the front door and glaring at them, ignoring their attempts to call her over and pet her. It's embarrassing how rude she can be! Over the winter, we let her in and out through the front door because there was less snow buildup in the front of the house. Now we'll sit out on our deck in the backyard but she insists on only entering the house through the front door, despite being let out the back door. My husband thinks she's stupid. I know better. The girl just knows exactly what she wants.

I'm telling you all this because I find myself acting more and more like Lucy lately. A new academic year has begun and all sorts of changes are being proposed in my division and in the residency program. I find myself wanting to push back and do things the way I think they should be done. I'm really struggling to remain open to others' ideas when I disagree. I'm trying to maintain a supportive and positive attitude. I tend to be very independent and find it easy, if I don't like the way someone does something, to just do it myself. I'm trying not to be the "rogue hospitalist" but rather to act in a mature and agreeable fashion. I don't want to be the Lucy of the group, as much as I adore her, because unlike Lucy, I know I'm not the center of the universe and the most important person in the room. I'm making a special effort this week to open myself up to the beauty of change and the possibilities of seeing from another's perspective. I don't begrudge Lucy her bullheaded obstinance. I'll just live vicariously through her.