Holler for a Dollar

Did I tell you i'm looking for a new job? No? Well, I am. Don't worry, it's all on the up and up. My current employer knows already. Let's just say that when your heart tells you enough is enough, time to move on, you better listen. Good advice for jobs and relationships. Not to mention for chocolate glazed doughnuts from Dinkel's Bakery in Chicago. But I digress.

I'm sure everyone remembers the pain of their last job interview. Maybe it was for your first job, or your first 'real' job, or fellowship or residency. Either way you cut it...painful. Walking around in your interview suit and heels with a confident smile pasted across your face all the while thinking...when is it appropriate to ask to go to the bathroom to check my hair, teeth, and awkward stiff collar? Not to mention the feeling of being sick of yourself. Yes, i've plunged myself into this world again. All in the hopes that I will find a job that satisfies me intellectually and emotionally and sates my need for personal challenge. In a warmer climate.

Here's how I would like a job interview to go:
Them: We've already looked at your CV and cover letter and loved it. Now we just need to know who you really are and what makes you tick.

Me: Oh ok. Well, i'm really good at spelling. I was one of the finalists in my elementary school spelling bee but I lost on the word 'bizarre'. Not because I didn't know how to spell it, but I failed to ask for the definition and spelled the word 'bazaar' instead. I'm still beating myself up about that one. I have a picture of myself with Steve Kerr, you know the Chicago Bulls star from the championship era? Only I was in sixth grade and looked like a boy so I am ashamed to display it publicly. I had some serious fashion issues back then. Haunts me still. When I hear the sound of silverware clanging together I want to suck my teeth out of their sockets. I find it hard to believe that I am the only one who feels this way. Speaking of teeth, I am looking for the perfect time to use the word 'toothsome' in a sentence. That word has been banging against my lips for days, begging to be let out. Well, that's about it in a nutshell.

Them: Fabulous! We think you're perfect for the job. We'll be sending a contract your way. Welcome aboard!

I'll keep you posted on my ongoing job search. And if I do have an interview like this? Oh yes, you'll be the first to know.