Home Is Where The Start Is

Let's talk about this whole life coach thing. Now I'm into it about a month and I can honestly say it is worth every penny. Here's how it works: For a monthly fee, I get "coached" for 45 mins twice a month over the phone. I met my coach in person for our initial session which was 2 hours of intensive talking about myself. Totally draining! You might think that 45 mins on the phone is not enough time to delve into what you need to delve into, but let me tell you, my coach is uber-efficient at getting out of me what she needs to know in order to direct me to the next goal. On the real. In order to facilitate this efficiency, I fill out a "call focus form" and email it the night before our session. In it I answer questions about what progress I've made on my previous goals, what obstacles I've faced, what things I'm procrastinating about (because we all have something), and what I'm happy about. This is a worthwhile exercise in itself because it allows me to really reflect on my life and be completely honest with myself. This is also accompanied by a glass of wine. My coach uses the call focus form to do just that: focus the call on the pressing issues. I have to admit when I call her and she says "There's a lot of good stuff here!" I feel a mix of pride and embarrassment. Pride because I'm a perfectionist and want to do well at everything including analyzing myself. Embarrassment because I didn't realize I had so much "stuff". There's a lot of work to be done people. Most use coaching for 3 to 6 months and then feel comfortable taking their show on the road. I have no idea how long this process will take for me.

This experiment started out as a way for me to develop the skills necessary to be successful and happy at work. However, in quality improvement lingo, I've found it necessary to perform a root cause analysis and drill down to the very source of my habits and patterns of reaction. What I've uncovered so far is the need for a fundamental shift in my way of thinking. We don't leave our patterns at the door when we come home. Who you are at work is who you are at home and vice versa. In order to change how you think and behave you have to start where you are most real. And that place, for most of us, is home.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Let's talk about integrity for a minute. What is your definition of integrity? I dug myself into a small hole yesterday when I said that someone (who shall remain nameless) did not have integrity. The person I said it to immediately zeroed in and said "That's a pretty strong statement. Do you really feel that way?". I stammered and rambled but hopefully didn't look like a complete idiot trying to defend myself. When I replayed the conversation to my husband he also made the face that says "Ohhh, did you really say that?!". You know the face I'm talking about...eyes wide, eyebrows raised, air being sucked through teeth. Yes, that face. A coworker and I were talking about it today and she said "You said he didn't have integrity. That's a pretty strong thing to say!". Yikes. Am I the only person on the planet who didn't know that was the most awful accusation I could possibly make?? I was only speaking what I really felt was the truth. So what did I do? I researched the definition of integrity just to make sure I had it right. I was fully prepared to apologize if I indeed misspoke.

Integrity: noun Adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty; the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.

When I read that, I take it to mean that one with integrity is one who lives their values in a recognizable fashion. You will be able to see what a person stands for because they live it everyday. They walk the talk. They show their go. They vote with their feet. And every other cliche that you can think of that means that someone backs up their words with their actions. At its most basic connotation, integrity is to be whole. There is a seamless transition from values (inside) to actions (outside). There is no separation.

Did I mean it when I said this person had no integrity based on the definition and my experience with this person? Absolutely. Do I wish I could turn back time and not have said it out loud? You bet. I can't help but wonder what impression I made on the people listening. Although I value honesty, I also value discretion and respect, especially in the professional arena. I did not necessarily act with integrity, because I was not fully acting in congruence with my values. Learn from my mistake: take the time to think before you make a bold statement, even if it's the absolute truth.