Day Seven: Identify and Live Your Personal Values

"Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major, say that I was a drum major for justice. Say that I was a drum major for peace. I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shallow things will not matter." Martin Luther King Jr delivered this quote in 1968 about a eulogy that could be given when he died. It is now at the center of a controversy involving his memorial in Washington. Maya Angelou has criticized the shortened version inscribed on the memorial which reads "I was a drum major for justice, peace and righteousness." Her criticism comes from a firm belief that the values for which King stood are exemplified in the humility of the real quote and not reflected in the shortened version. You can decide for yourself.

Today's task is to identify the values from which you were formed and those with which you conduct yourself today. Values come from a lifetime of experiences and relationships and form the foundation upon which you make decisions and choices. In order to change the way you think and act, necessities for moving forward and reaching your goals, you must know the values guiding those thoughts and actions. Once defined, values impact every aspect of your life.

Here are some of my values: efficiency, loyalty, honesty, accountability, integrity, independence, activity. Despite sounding like a German car commercial, I live these values in my day to day personal and professional life. And for the most part, I am at peace with who I am and where I am in life. There's something to be said for living your values and true happiness. Living your values is a powerful tool to helping you reach your goals and attain success.

Day Six: Promote Your Personal Development Every Day

When was the last time you sat and thought about all the things that make you happy? Does anyone really ever do that? And why the heck don't we do it more often? How about the last time you felt bored, unfulfilled or generally unhappy with the way your life is going? Dollars to doughnuts that question was easier for you to answer. Sad isn't it? Day six is all about promoting your growth and motivation. Also known as indulging in a bit of daydreaming and emotional pampering. It's ok, really. More than ok, it's necessary if we are going to get past this day and move on with our quest for happiness.

My husband and I were driving on campus today and noticed the students moving in to the residence halls. He commented that he felt sad that the great adventures in life, going away to college, studying abroad, going away for grad school, were already past. I've been thinking about what he said and just can't get myself to feel the same way. I've loved my past...but I love the anticipation of my future even more. I can't wait to have kids, advance in my career, make new friends, travel, rescue more dogs from the shelter, watch my friends fall in love and get married, be the favorite aunt, run more races and grow old with my husband. I admit, maybe I'm naive. But I'll choose naive and happy any day. If you feel bored with your life, or even if you feel content but want to feel joyful, try the following exercises.

List everything you'd like to do in your lifetime. Does your current lifestyle support the accomplishment of these dreams? If not, what changes will you need to make in order to make this true?

Write down your ten favorite activities. Do you get to do these things weekly? Daily? Is it possible to fit at least one of them in each day? How about making that the goal for the week?

Think of a time when you felt more positively about your life. What has changed between then and now? List everything that is different. This may help give you insight into what is making you less happy now. Can you find something to improve? This might be a toughie.

Schedule quiet, thinking time for yourself every single day. Allow your thoughts to wander, they will often lead you to unexpected places and if you quiet the loud (negative) noise in your head, you might hear a revealing answer to the questions above. This sounds easy but takes practice. Self reflection does not come automatically for many and it might be a weak muscle that you need to strengthen before you can really make the most of this quiet time. For me, that time is when I run. I notice that if I don't exercise for a couple days in a row, I get irritable and agitated. It's like my thoughts are piling up on my mental desk, covering all available space and generally creating clutter in my mind. My exercise time is for me and me alone, and it's when I do my mental filing. When I finish, I feel mentally and emotionally "cleaner". Spend time in your own head. And if you need a mantra, repeat after me "Self care is a worthwhile endeavor". You're on your way.

Day Five: Stay the Course or Change the Course

How many times have you started something only to drift away, leaving it only partially finished? I'm ashamed to admit I've done this numerous times. A couple years ago I wanted to take up knitting. It was winter in Chicago and I felt if I was going to be cooped up inside I might as well have something to show for it other than an encyclopedic knowledge of Law & Order. So my husband, as thoughtful as he is, surprised me with a knitting book, some yarn and needles to start with. I got as far as reading the book. Then I drifted. Then spring came and I was on to something else. I have many unfinished scrapbooks, half-written journals, boxes of photos yearning to be placed in chronologic order, expired gift certificates and good intentions tucked away in the closet in our guest room. Am I alone in this?

The only way to achieve your goals is persistence in the undertaking of the challenge. This might be a weekly or even daily renewal of your commitment to accomplish whatever it is you set out to do. I've heard that it takes 30 days for something to become a habit. This means that you need to make a concerted effort to check in with yourself and evaluate your course everyday for a month. Then progress will become your habit.

I don't know if I will ever sit down and knit. Frankly, it's hard for me to sit and watch a movie. Sitting is just not my thing. It's ok to change your course, change your goals. But you have to intentionally do so. Drifting is not the same as consciously evaluating whether a goal still makes sense for you. Give your goals 30 days to weave their way into the fabric of who you are and see if they still feel right. You'll know.

Day Four: Chart Your Course

Now that we've figured out who we are and where we want to go, how are we going to get there? That brings us to our next step: Chart Your Course. I'm going to go through these steps with you using one of my achieved goals as an example. I'm certainly not a pro at this (obviously, or I'd be writing about the yummy baked oatmeal I made for dinner tonight instead) but I did just go through the process. So here goes. Remember I mentioned that race last weekend where I reached my time goal? Here's how I did it.

1. You need to deeply desire the goal or resolution.

I've been working at this goal for about 9 years now. I shouldn't say I've been working at it...because I really never had a definite plan like what I'm about to show you. But I have been consistently running, entering races, and wanting to reach the goal. To be honest I was almost content to just let it go and give in to "slowing down with age". Then I decided to give it one really systematic hard effort. I wanted to give it my best shot.

2. Visualize yourself achieving the goal.

One thing I always do before a race is to make an iPod playlist specific to that race. I choose songs and order them in the list based on where in the race I will hear them. For example, I usually start with a slower, catchy beat to get me into a rhythm. In the middle of the race are longer songs with a steady beat. Towards the end of the race I put songs that are fast or inspirational. Then I listen to this playlist on some of my training runs and visualize how I will feel and where in the race I'll be during that particular song. I found this to be very effective at boosting my confidence and in turn, my performance. It helped that "Eye of the Tiger" played as I was nearing the finish line!

3. Make a plan for the path you need to follow to accomplish the goal.

In order to push myself, I joined a running group through a local running store. They had a specific training plan for the race I wanted to run. I knew that if I followed the plan and attended all the group training runs, that I would be giving myself the best shot at achieving my goal. I had a map of the path I needed to follow. It was up to me to put in the work.

4. Commit to achieving the goal by writing down the goal.

Rather than writing down my goal, I committed to it in two different ways. I hung up a copy of my training plan both at my office and at home, so it was visible to me no matter where I was spending my time. And of course, it was visible to anyone who came into my office. Second, for certain long runs the training group was divided into "pace groups" based on how fast they wanted to finish the race so that we could practice running our goal pace. By joining a certain pace group, I made it known exactly how fast I wanted to run this race. The people with whom I ran all knew my goal.

5. Establish times for checking your progress in your calendar system.

Luckily, this was built in for me in the form of the training schedule and running group. I knew that halfway through my training I needed to be able to run 10 miles without feeling completely exhausted at the end in order to be able to run 13.1 miles as fast as I needed to on race day. I also made it a point to run a segment of the race route at various points in my training to get a feel for the terrain. By race day, I had run every segment of the route at least once so that it was all familiar to me. I knew every hill and curve ahead of time only because I used them to check my progress during my training.

6. Review your overall progress regularly.

I've blogged about my beloved running partner before and I couldn't have reached my goal without it. My Garmin allowed me to save all of my running times and routes and download them onto my computer. Visualizing my progress was incredibly powerful. Reviewing your progress will allow you to make adjustments if necessary and will hopefully give you a little boost 'o motivation when you see that you actually are making progress.

This achievement of mine is certainly nothing to brag about and many people have achieved my race time with minimal effort and training. But that's not the point. The point is that this was my goal and I was, in a sense, competing with myself. Or at least the part of myself who thought getting older meant getting slower. That's just not true.

Day Three: Define Your Purpose, Your Mission and Your Goals

If you know me at all, you know that goal setting is one of my favorite activities ever. Annoyingly so. I love to have the "5 year plan" conversation on a regular basis, much to my husband's dismay. So step three on the road to success being all about goal setting makes me feel like I can take a breather 'cause I have this one down. But I can't, because I'm not so familiar with defining my purpose and my mission. How many times have you been to a work function where you are forced to collaborate with your colleagues to come up with a "vision statement"? This goes down as one of my least favorite activities. I know, maybe I'm a cynic but I hate forcing corporate jargon into a wandering run-on sentence over which everyone will feign excitement but will forget within 2 days. So the thought of creating my personal vision statement makes my eyes glaze over like my ancient pug Lucy's. But if I'm honest with myself, I realize that without knowing who I am, I can't define where it is I want to be. So I'll do it. And maybe you can too so I won't be the only one feigning excitement. Here's some ideas to get you started:

1. What are the ten things you most enjoy doing?

2. What three things must you do everyday to feel fulfilled in your work? Mine would be laugh, learn something, and teach something. Hmmm, this isn't so hard.

3. What are your 5 most important values? Think of things like empathy, ambition, diversity, security, etc.

4. Write one important goal for each of the following areas of your life: physical, spiritual, career, family, social relationships, financial security, mental improvement and attention, and fun.

5. If you never had to work again, how would you spend your time?

6. When your life is ending, what will you regret not seeing, doing or achieving?

7. What strengths have other people noticed about you? What strengths have you noticed in yourself?

8. What do you believe are your weaknesses? What do others say are your weaknesses?

Now craft your vision statement and write about the future you hope to achieve. Good luck!

Day Two: Your Thoughts Matter

Let's talk about the concept of pre-suffering. I had never heard this term until one of my coworkers identified it as the way I was feeling. If pre-suffering was an Olympic sport, let's just say I would be successful beyond my wildest dreams. The way I understand it, pre-suffering is when you feel all the negative emotion and worry associated with an event well before the event has even happened. And there's no guarantee the event will ever happen. An example (I have many): Before starting a weekend of call at our community hospital I have trouble sleeping. All day Friday I am filled with a vague sense of melancholy. I find myself glancing at the clock, mentally counting down the hours until the admissions flood in and my pager calls out it's disgustingly cheerful jingle. I brood over how tired I'll be on Monday and wonder if I'll get any sleep at all at night. Want to know what makes matters even worse? I not only do this right before a call weekend but also whenever I look ahead at the schedule and visualize how many weekends of call I have coming up. I know, get over it right? Right.

I tend to look ahead and try to prepare myself for the worst possible outcome of everything just so I'm not caught off guard. The effect of this is that I spend an enormous amount of time and emotional energy worrying about things that might never happen. And even if they did happen, what did I change by worrying about them? So I might not get any sleep tonight on call and I will feel like crap. But, I don't feel like crap right now. In fact, it's a beautiful warm afternoon and I just took my dog on a long walk through the park. I have a comfortable house and am planning a delicious dinner of spaghetti with Italian sausage and whole wheat bread. I'm looking forward to going on a road trip with my dear husband next weekend and seeing old friends at a wedding. Aaaaannnnnd I have an appointment with a "life coach" next week. So we have that little bit of randomness to anticipate.

Do you see what I did? I redirected my thoughts away from my useless pre-suffering and focused on the here and now. I focused on the good parts of my life. The things that are actually happening. So simple yet so difficult to achieve on an hourly basis. Earl Nightingale, known as the "Dean of Personal Development", said "the mind moves in the direction of our currently dominant thoughts". Practice channeling your thoughts and see if this makes a difference in your attitude. Or in your life. Then you'll be on your way to a happier and more successful career and life on day two of the journey: Your Thoughts Matter.

Day One: Taking Responsibility

Isn't it awful to feel out of control? I felt that way for a time when I lived in Chicago and felt that I had no choice but to stay and wait for my husband to finish grad school. No choice but to take the job that I was offered, despite it being not what I really wanted to be doing. No choice but to take the bus or the train day after day because I didn't have a car. But what I didn't understand was that I did have a choice and those are the decisions that I made. I chose to stay in Chicago because I couldn't imagine living without my husband for even one day. I chose to take the job I did because it allowed me to have flexibility and time to explore other interests. I chose to use public transportation because it allowed me freedom from the responsibility of having a car in the city. It was all in how I framed it. Here's another example of someone taking responsibility for her life. She did not choose to lose her husband suddenly and be left with two young children to raise. But she is choosing to express herself in an honest and healthy manner and to be a role model for her kids. Totally inspiring and heart wrenching at the same time.

Today's step towards success and happiness is called "how to take responsibility for your life". Do you truly take responsibility for your thoughts and actions? I know I have fallen into a pattern of blaming others for any dissatisfaction I may feel at work. I blame the schedule, the culture, the politics, the leadership, etc. It's an easy trap to fall into and not the first time I've fallen. I'm trying to see my life as a series of choices I've made rather than things that have "happened". You really do have control over your life. Or at least how you react to the things that occur. If you know where it is you ultimately want to be, you can begin to take steps, make choices, to help yourself get there.

The Ten Day Challenge

Over the weekend, I had the awesome experience of reaching a long sought after goal. It was nothing earth shattering, merely reaching a certain time goal in a race I was running, but let's just say my late thirties best beat out my late twenties best and it was immensely satisfying. Still riding on that high, I've been thinking a lot about goals and the importance of setting and reaching them, one at a time. I've also been thinking about my career direction. I moved to Madison to explore this career opportunity because I saw it as a way to reach my goals. Unlike many I've encountered here, I don't have those other 'intangibles' in Madison that make a person choose to settle down in one place. I didn't realize it when I made the decision, but I'm learning that not many people move to a place solely for the career opportunities offered. This puts me in a unique position of constantly reevaluating my career and personal goals and in effect, reevaluating why I am where I am. And more importantly, where am I going from here?

I came across an article called "Ten Days to a Happier, More Successful Career and Life". Ok, I'll bite. Anything I can achieve in ten days is worth a shot. So, I plan to read a step each day for the next ten days and see if I come out happier and more successful in the end. The good news? I'm taking you with me. Day one: How to Take Responsibility for Your Life. More to come tomorrow...

A GPS For Your Life

Can I tell you about my new running partner? Let me preface this by saying that I have spent the summer training for a half marathon that will take place on Saturday here in Madison. You're probably questioning the wisdom of training for a long race during the season where one continues to sweat even after a cold shower and one's makeup slides off one's face as fast as one can put it on. Yes, I get that. I'm with you.

About six weeks ago, I started running with my new partner and I can honestly say that I have never been so focused and efficient in my training. I have improved immensely over the summer and I hope to "PR" (by this I mean set a personal record for myself) at the race next weekend. I owe a lot to my partner. Let me introduce you: Garmin Forerunner 210, meet everyone. Everyone, meet my cherished running partner, a birthday gift from my husband. The Garmin is a GPS watch that "accurately records how far, how fast and how hard you worked". Absolute bliss for my detail loving, goal oriented, personal challenge needing self. Oh yes. When I reflect on my relationship with my Garmin, I realize how much we would all benefit from a life GPS. Wouldn't it be awesome to know exactly where you stand in the grand scheme of things? Let's adapt the information on the Garmin website to our lives and see what happens....

Easy to use: Press start and take off. Really does it have to be more complex than that? Can we leave the house in the morning with the attitude of taking on the world rather than letting the world take us?

Take it further: For runners who want more training capabilities. One of my favorite questions is "what's the worst that can happen?". Ask for a raise. Take a chance on a different job. Make a new friend. If you push yourself and go for what you deserve, what will happen? Be your own biggest cheerleader.

Follow your heart: Heart rate alerts to notify you when you are above or below your targets. In other words, trust your gut. Your heart knows you better than anyone and only wants you to stay true. Practice listening to what your heart is saying underneath the cacophany of all the noise competing for your attention. Listen.

Outdoors or in: For those who like options. Be flexible and understand that everyone has their own idea of what's good and right and you may certainly feel strongly that your way is the best way....but rest assured there will be plenty who disagree. Try to see things from others' perspectives and you will gain invaluable insight into what makes them tick. A little compassion goes a long way.

Store, analyze and share: See the route you traveled on a map, view a summary of your workout data, create goals and more. We do this subconsciously all the time. We store up experiences and emotions and use them to guide us (right or wrong) the next time we make decisions. When we aren't aware of this, we are in danger of repeating unhealthy patterns. When you are stuck in a place (once again!) of unhappiness, consciously analyze what brought you there. And then choose a different route to travel.

Monitor your health: Track weight, body fat, body water, etc...I firmly believe that physical health is directly affected by mental and emotional health and vice versa. Try improving one and see what happens to the other.

Fast and accurate: A high sensitivity GPS receiver to stay locked onto satellites, even near tall buildings and under tree cover. Ahhh, beware of the proverbial obstacles that will inevitably be thrown in your path. Take a step back, breathe and ask yourself "Where was I going again?". Then your trusty GPS will guide you back to the right path, wherever that may be.

Happy travels.

I Have Trouble With Math

Five things I learned about myself last week:

1. If I drive for more than 7 hours straight in a crappy rental car without cruise control, power windows or locks and stained upholstery, I will curse myself for not choosing instead to drive our brand new SUV.

2. I live in a very small world. I know this because at the Pediatric Hospital Medicine conference I ran into my med school roommate whom I haven't seen in 9 years and found out that she just took a job in Tucson that my friend from residency recently left in order to take a job in Austin that I had applied for and didn't get but told her how great it was so she applied for it a year later. Make sense?

3. I have a friend who I only see once a year but we can still pick up where we left off and spend hours talking about our lives. Everyone needs that kind of friend and sometimes I forget to give thanks for that friendship.

4. If given a set of evaluations from medical students and residents, and they are positive in nature, I will carry them around in my bag and pull them out at lunch and read them over and over again (to myself, not out loud!). Occasionally, I am my own cheerleader. Embarrassing but true.

5. If I want to be a true leader, I have to stop being afraid to own who I am and my thoughts and opinions. I have to establish my credibility by walking the walk and coming correct in spite of those who have different ideas of what the future should look like.

6. I want to be a true leader.

Sorry, that's six things I learned about myself. It was a good week.