Growing up, my mom would often warn me to "be careful, you're wishing your life away" when I would wish fervently for some day in the future to be the present. I would just roll my eyes and think "yes, that's exactly what I want to do...wish this waiting part of my life away so I can get to the good stuff". As i've gotten older, I am more aware of the preciousness of time and how it seems to have sped up as the years have gone by. But, I still catch myself 'wishing my life away'. You only have to read my last post to witness the evidence of that.
For months now, I have longingly thought of the day when I wouldn't have to work nights anymore, when I could move on to the next phase of my life and next exciting career opportunity and feel like I was truly moving forward instead of casting about. And now that moment is here. And I feel sad. Could it be that when I was so focused on counting the days (nights) remaining I ignored the fact that I was developing friendships with the people who surround me and support me and make me laugh during those long nights? Did I not realize that the very smiles I look forward to seeing on a regular basis are the same smiles I will miss the second I walk out the door, the same smiles that make this job so much more than just a job?
When I step out into the sunshine tomorrow morning after my last shift I will be excited to move on, excited to begin my new career in a new place where I plan on raising a family together with my husband. But for now, I will be happy here, right now, in this place. I will savor the smiles, and be grateful I had the opportunity to be here at all.
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