Alphabet Soup Overdose

I just returned from a conference where I was one of very few pediatricians surrounded by a mass of internal medicine physicians. I spent the week hearing case example after case example about PEs, anticoagulants, PSAs, mammography and stroke prevention. Ugh. Don't get me wrong, I loved the conference and learned a ton. But talking about medicine surrounded by physicians who don't care for kids is a lonely place to be for a week. They did try though. When I asked how a particular statistical method could be demonstrated using a pediatric case example, I was told "There's some great articles out there on otitis media." Oh. Is that what you think we spend hours and hours of studying and years and years of training to treat? *sigh* Such is life as a misunderstood pediatrician trying to make their mark amidst the high powered and intellectually complex yet lucrative adult medical world.

So you can imagine my delight when I saw this article in the New York Times by Dr Perri Klass, a pediatrician. She is the author of "A Not Entirely Benign Procedure" published in 1987, about her journey through medical school. I read this book while I was in medical school and loved it. This was well before I even thought about being a pediatrician! Writing this now makes me want to read it again before I start my position as pediatric clerkship director, if only to remember what it felt like to be that naive, awkward and endlessly excited all at the same time. The article in the Times is about what adult medicine can learn from pediatrics. It definitely gave me a boost of confidence after sitting through debate after debate about the merits of the latest study looking at the newest anticoagulation med for atrial fibrillation. My favorite line of hers is "When it comes to certain aspects of medical treatment, especially hospitalization, perhaps it's time to acknowledge that adults are really just big children." Everyone needs a cookie, a blanket, or a hug at one time or another, regardless of how old they are!

When One Door Shuts, Keep Knocking

Recently, I didn't get a travel grant I applied for to attend a conference this summer in DC. I thought I had a good chance and sent in a fine application but there was someone out there with a better one. I told my husband how disappointed I was and he said "But you've gotten everything else you've ever applied for." Not true. Totally not true. There were at least two jobs that I really wanted in Chicago after I left my fellowship that I didn't get hired for. While I was job hunting this last time around, I learned I didn't get a job that I thought I was perfect for. A good friend of mine has since been hired for that very position. When I first joined the AAP, I ran for a position on the executive committee and didn't get the votes. In 6th grade, I ran for Treasurer. I still remember the posters I made with fake money all over them. I didn't get elected. A 7th grader was chosen over me. As a freshman in high school, I tried out for the cheer squad. Despite spending hours in my backyard practicing a dance to "Rhythm Nation" by Janet Jackson, I didn't make it past the first cut. In medical school, I waited for years for a certain person to love me as much as I wanted him to. Didn't happen.

Reflecting on all of these past 'rejections', I came to realize that the reason I keep 'applying' for things is that every denial I've experienced has led to something better. I love my job that I have here in Madison. It's exactly what I wanted and will open more doors than I can count. I have been given the opportunity to write this blog for the AAP and held plenty of other positions within the Academy since losing that election. Those 'failures' in junior high and high school? They've made me essentially unafraid of sticking my neck out publicly. And the many failed relationships in my past? I thank my lucky stars for my husband every day (some days more than others!).

So this most recent failure, if you can even call it that, is not really the end of something for me. In fact, it was the nicest rejection that I've ever received, complete with suggestions of other conferences/courses that would suit my goals and the name of a contact person who could help me reach them. You see, multiple doors are open and it is up to me to keep moving forward. But I won't stop knocking on those doors that appear shut because you just never know.