Niche is a four letter word

Here's an honest to goodness conversation that just took place between my husband and I.

Me: I'm feeling inadequate today.

Him: Why?

Me: Because I went to our division meeting today and everyone seems really really smart. Much smarter than I am.

Him: Well, they have more experience than you. I'm sure they think you are smart too.

Me: No, I don't have much to contribute during the meetings. Also, everyone has their niche that they are working on. You know, one person is doing global health, another is palliative care, another is family centered rounds. I don't have a niche yet. And what's worse is that I don't know how to get one! I don't have one singular passion to focus on. What if I can't figure out my niche and I just languish here in this job and I never get promoted?? I need to start being productive and adding to my professional portfolio!!

Him: Ummmm, you've only been there a month.

Me: So?

Him: So, you've only been there a month.

This conversation is what happens when a perfectionist like myself lets a little insecurity take charge of my brain and graffiti it with the word "should". I "should" be more productive. I "should" be uber-accomplished. I "should" be a rock star. I am reminding myself (with you as my witness) that it is ok to get settled into a new job for the first several months. It is ok to be inexperienced and still learning. It is ok to not be perfect. It is ok to take a breath and relax. It is ok to just be. Just be.

Excuses Get A Bad Rap

Ok, before you yell at me for slacking off, let me tell you where i've been. Since my last post, i've

1. bought a house
2. bought a car
3. filled out a forest worth of paperwork for 1 & 2
4. been getting ready to move with all the annoying minutiae that entails
5. driven back and forth from Chicago to Madison no less than 5 times
6. been scheduling "I want to see you one last time before I leave" dinners and lunches
7. watched our good friends' two lovely dogs
8. vacuumed up 2 pounds of dog hair that our two lovely dogs and their two lovely dogs shed
9. ran a 10 mile race
10. tasted the best ice cream on the planet. No joke. It's at Southport Grocery and Cafe if you're ever in Chicago. I think about it everyday, multiple times a day. I only wish I had found it sooner. My thighs are grateful that I didn't.

My next post, if you want something to chew on before hand, is going to be wondering aloud about where I want to make my niche in my next job. Everyone needs a niche. Or so i'm told. For now i'm wondering when I can eat more of that ice cream.