Lonely Sandwich Hater Seeks Same

So I have this thing. You know how everyone has at least one food that they really really hate? I mean can't even stand the smell of? Mine is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Hate em. Can't force myself to eat one. Get nauseated at the smell of them. I can't even stand when my husband gets a bit of peanut butter in the jelly jar. As far as I know, I am completely alone in this hatred of mine. PB&J might as well be the American flag, I feel so unpatriotic hating it. Others hate things like brussel sprouts, mushrooms, stinky cheese, asparagus. But those people can usually find a handful of others just like them without trying too hard. Heck even cilantro haters have their own website! I'm lonely. So i'm putting it out there...are there any other PB&J haters?

Let me take you one step further into my psyche. I've been thinking a lot about professional isolation. What causes it? What does it feel like? How do we prevent it? Here's where I'm coming from...I work in a NICU, at night, as the only physician in house. As a matter of fact, I am the only non-neonatologist or neonatologist-in-training on the medical staff in my division. Yep, the lone general pediatrician. I see my professional colleagues briefly at the beginning of my shift for sign out and at the end of my shift for the same. Occasionally, I am lucky enough to be on with a resident. Professional isolation does not only refer to geographical isolation, although this is the easiest to define and understand. I am not in a rural practice. I am not a senior physician who has loads of personal experience to draw from and an aversion to technology. I do not have a narcissistic personality disorder or practice some obscure form of alternative medicine. These are all risk factors for feeling professionally isolated. Yet that's how I feel. I miss working side by side with other pediatricians more than I can express. My colleagues in the past challenged me, made me laugh, bored me to tears, ruffled my feathers, pushed me beyond my comfort zone, and competed with me in a way that made me a better physician, a better teacher and a better learner. Willian Osler wrote in 1897, "The medical society is the best corrective, and a man misses a good part of his education who does not get knocked about a bit by his colleagues in discussions and criticisms."

Fairly recently removed from residency, I did not consider isolation when accepting this position. Would I have done anything differently? Probably not, considering all that I have gained from doing what I do. But, I would caution a young physician from isolating themselves from their professional colleagues and mentors. The learning curve is still so steep that it would be a shame to not have senior brains from which to pick. I look forward to the day when I can jump back into the mix and "get knocked about a bit".

In the meantime, here's how I cope. I am an active member of the AAP both nationally and locally and hold a position with the Section on Young Physicians. I try to attend 1-2 conferences or professional meetings a year. I am on the Section on Hospital Medicine listserv. I volunteer to teach medical students Problem Based Learning. I remind myself that this experience has forced me to trust my judgement and function independently and confidently while practicing within my limits. And I write this blog. So thanks for listening (reading!).