World, Meet Lucy

Have I introduced you to my dog Lucy? She's a 12 year old fawn pug and she's my first baby. Her bug eyes are always leaking brown goo and small pieces of her crusty black nose fall off when we least expect it. Usually in front of company. She hates anyone touching her mouth and her feet so consequently, her breath stinks and she has really long toenails. I feel like Lucy and I have grown up together. We've been through a lot: breakups, moves, freezing winters, adding a hyperactive mutt and her owner to our household. There was a time right after I moved to Chicago and knew no one that I felt Lucy was the only soul in that city who would've cared if I died. Morbid, but true.

One thing about Lucy is that she is stubborn and hates change. How do I know this you ask? Believe me, it's obvious. She gets this miserable look on her face and her curly tail hangs at half mast when she is unhappy. The straighter it gets, the worse she feels. Once when she was a puppy I was walking her on the sidewalk around my apartment complex. We accidentally walked over a hot metal grate in the summer and it burned her little feet. For an entire year after that, she would not walk in that direction down that sidewalk. Nope, we could only go so far and then we had to turn back the way we came instead of completing a loop. Whenever I'd move the garbage can around the apartment while cleaning she'd bark at me until I put it back where it was supposed to be. She has gotten used to going to bed at a certain time so she will wait by the stairs and glare at me until I come upstairs and get ready for bed. When I've had guests over, she makes it clear that it's time for them to leave by sitting at the front door and glaring at them, ignoring their attempts to call her over and pet her. It's embarrassing how rude she can be! Over the winter, we let her in and out through the front door because there was less snow buildup in the front of the house. Now we'll sit out on our deck in the backyard but she insists on only entering the house through the front door, despite being let out the back door. My husband thinks she's stupid. I know better. The girl just knows exactly what she wants.

I'm telling you all this because I find myself acting more and more like Lucy lately. A new academic year has begun and all sorts of changes are being proposed in my division and in the residency program. I find myself wanting to push back and do things the way I think they should be done. I'm really struggling to remain open to others' ideas when I disagree. I'm trying to maintain a supportive and positive attitude. I tend to be very independent and find it easy, if I don't like the way someone does something, to just do it myself. I'm trying not to be the "rogue hospitalist" but rather to act in a mature and agreeable fashion. I don't want to be the Lucy of the group, as much as I adore her, because unlike Lucy, I know I'm not the center of the universe and the most important person in the room. I'm making a special effort this week to open myself up to the beauty of change and the possibilities of seeing from another's perspective. I don't begrudge Lucy her bullheaded obstinance. I'll just live vicariously through her.