Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Double Negatives=A Positive Attitude

What have I not been up to this month?! The correct answer is not much. Now I've confused myself with multiple negatives. Let's just say I've been busy. Here's what went down the past 2 weeks...

1. I was fired by a patient for the first time. Well, not really fired. More like not rehired. A patient of mine was readmitted 2 days after I had discharged her (no small feat!) and her mom was requesting "a different experience" aka a different attending. It stung but I tried to not take it personally. Since I believe that the universe sends me signs if I only pay attention (listening on the 3rd level as my life coach put it), I wasn't entirely surprised when the topic of my first year medical student small group session was "Bias In Healthcare". We discussed all the different types of bias healthcare providers carry into their patient interactions and how that affects the doctor-patient relationship. I used this to reflect on my "firing" experience and realized that yes, I did harbor a bias towards a difficult and dramatic patient and this undoubtedly affected my interactions with this patient and her mother, however subtle that effect might be. Touche, universe.

2. I was touched by the death of a patient. Hearing about the death of a patient you have cared for stirs up so many emotions...shock, sadness, disbelief, fear, and an incredible compassion for the family. I felt all of these feelings in a span of about 2 minutes. And I continued to cycle through them all day and the rest of that week. I will carry her face and her story in my heart for a very long time. Such is being a pediatrician.

3. I spent the first of five weekends as a participant in a Primary Care Faculty Development Fellowship. A small group of us attend a series of sessions covering everything from teaching methods, using technology in medical education, evidence based medicine, and a potpourri of similar topics. At the end of the fellowship in May, we will be expected to have completed a research project with the intention of presenting at a national meeting. My inner geek rejoices at the opportunity to pretend I'm back in school.

4. Speaking of research projects, I've started my first clinical research project and just today realized that it might actually go somewhere. We are still in the preliminary analysis, but if it pans out, this will be the first project that I personally have conceptualized and followed through to completion and hopefully to publication. I'm trying not to get too excited but this feels big. Really big.

5. I had my first session with my life coach today. Fascinating is all I can say at the moment as I'm still processing. It's like therapy (without all the crying and dwelling on the past) meets mentorship (without the person having anything to do with my career) meets tough-love friend (everyone needs one of those but hardly anyone has one) meets personal cheerleader (but not super annoyingly cheery) meets guru (without the spiritual heaviness). More on this later.

6. My mom is coming to visit tomorrow for the first time since I've lived here. This entails frantic house cleaning and laundry and telling the dogs over and over again that "grandma is coming and bringing you presents!" They're very excited. So am I!

7. Last but not least, I spent an entire morning waiting for my new dishwasher to be delivered, watching it being installed, and then standing there in barely concealed disgust as the delivery person could not get it to work. I look forward to spending tomorrow morning waiting for the dishwasher repairman to fix my brand new dishwasher. But enough about that.

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